I ADORE my son. He is the brightest light in my life, causes the biggest smiles to creep across my face, and brings tears of joy to my eyes when he says “I wuv you, momma”. In only two years, I love someone more than myself and would sacrifice my happiness and well being to protect him. I love seeing the look on his face when we experience a new “adventure”~ like going to a Train Museum or finding a new park to run around~ or when he discovers something new (“wook a bug! eeewwweeee!”). His smile is contagious, and his curiosity totally draws you in, like you want to go exploring what ever it is he’s exploring because it is the most interesting thing on this earth. I adore his mischievous giggle when he gets caught doing something that he isn’t supposed to be doing (*sigh!*), and knows he is in trouble. Watching him “read” an upside down book to himself is so amazingly adorable it should be illegal.
All of that being said, being a mom is also the hardest and most frustrating job that I have EVER done. I say that a lot too when people ask me what I “do” for a living, and I say I currently stay at home with my son.
I get frustrated sometimes when people seem to judge my decision to stay home with him. Really it was out of necessity, originally. But ever since, it has become my hardest and most rewarding “job”. I will admit that there are days that I want to just walk into my room, close the door and crawl into bed and hide away all day. Luckily those days are VERY few and far between. I feel so lucky that I am blessed to “pour all of myself” into my son and share every moment that I can with him. Sometimes being a SAHM is the cats meow, the bees knees, so awesome that I can’t believe that I get to do it every day. Like when you are able to show your son how to count, and he does it back for you, or when you get to take your child on a day trip to see a really cool museum, or when you get to laugh and giggle together. But then there is the other side of it when the kid is sick and screams and cries all day, or a well prepared and specially thought out lunch ends up all over the floor, or even when they are just in a funky mood and a trip to the grocery store becomes an epic battle of the wills. So next time you see a mom struggling in the store with a rambunctious little kid, cut her a little slack. Maybe gently intervene with a smile and a kind word. That really goes a long way when it feels like someone truly understands. It’s hard to feel appreciated and loved when everything that you are doing is for the benefit of this child, and what you get back in return (ALL DAY, EVERY DAY) is nothing but resistance and sour faces. It’s hard.
Most days though we are able to explore, relax, and enjoy what life and the Lord has brought for us that day, and I try to soak up every bit of that. I am learning how to “teach” him, as well as how to moderate and balance my days with simple educational tools, all while keeping up with the housework (which I still have yet to perfect). I get so envious of those women that this seemingly comes so easily to, and I aspire to bring that into my home one day. I hope to find that wonderful balance of Happy Homemaking, finding complete home organization, being the Mom who does it all, and becoming personally and artistically fulfilled all wrapped into one pretty little package. When I find that I promise to share, but for now we are just enjoying searching that journey together. You know what, I couldn’t be happier.